Olympia Fitness Weekend rolls into town this week and the biggest bodies on earth will be strutting my Strip — my calendar is already filling with men who can lift cars but fold the second I snap my fingers. Picking out which latex does the breaking. Which look takes down a bodybuilder first, sugarplum?
The festival crowd emptied their wallets all over the Strip this weekend and half of them will spend today broke and hoarse. My ledger says I outearned every headliner in that arena — being worshipped pays better than being famous. Bet your weekend didn't close like mine did, sugarplum.
Nine years sober and I still get the best high in this city — doesn't come from a bottle or a bar. Bet you'd trade every drink tonight to be in this bed.
Twenty thousand people just poured into the arena for the festival and every one of them thinks they've got the best seat in town. Cute. I'm up here in silk watching them all queue for someone else's good time — want to see what the real headliner looks like?
Maintenance day — every flogger conditioned, every crop wiped down, because sloppy tools make sloppy sessions. My weekend is booked solid and the gear just got cleared for duty. Which one would you pick, sugarplum?
The Bhagavad Gita hits different after a day of making grown men beg. Nobody expects the woman in latex to read scripture like it's a love letter. You'd like this version of me, wouldn't you?
Was supposed to be prepping tomorrow's session and ended up testing my patience instead of someone else's. You'd kill to walk in right now, wouldn't you?
Convention badges and bad decisions are flooding every bar on the Strip, and I'm in my kitchen at midnight making matcha in an unbuttoned shirt and not much else. You'd rather be right here, wouldn't you?
The ARIA conference crowd is downstairs networking over drinks and their keynote speaker just left my dungeon on his knees. His badge is still warm on my bench. Bet you'd sit in his seat.
Silver and black everywhere I look — Raiders fans think they own this color. I'm sitting here in my own black, sipping matcha, and every jersey in this bar just got outdressed. You'd know exactly who runs this town, wouldn't you?